• AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Adventures, Celebrities, Country Life, Current Affairs, Doing Things, Ethics, Opinion Piece, Topical News

    Wall of dice

    Nearly time to make an uneducated gamble on the future of my country.

    The General Election is nearly upon us and I am poised, ready to mark a cross in a box. But which box?

    I don’t take a huge amount of interest in politics, because politicians make politics mind numbingly dull. Hand me a copy of the New Statesman and I glaze over. I have more of an appetite for salacious goss about Jennifer’s Aniston, Lopez and Garner than I do the political leanings of MP’s Cameron, Miliband and Farage.

    But I want my roads surfaced, my NHS free, my schools invested in. I want my taxes fair and my fellow humans born into developing countries looked after. (Foreign aid: Farage wants to cut it. I learned that the other day. That’s right, I bloody learned something political.) So of course I am interested in politics.

    From where I’m standing, which is on a ledge very close to knowing absolutely nothing about any political party or their leaders, they all seem like a bunch of blithering idiots. With the election nearing I found myself taking a little more interest than usual, putting down my copy of <<generic glossy magazine with Jennifer Aniston’s continued wedding dilemmas all over the cover>> long enough to watch the televised debate a few weeks ago. Our seven potential leaders stood on their podiums and battled, not with swords, but with words, scoffing at each other’s ideas, spluttering and spitting all over their mics.

    They were there to dazzle us with their charm and win over swing voters like myself. But charm me they did not. I didn’t want any one of them to lead my country. Can we have Obama? He’s pretty much done with America, isn’t he? I always liked him, I think he’s a smooth operator with a trustworthy face. That’s what politics needs. A poster boy.

    David Miliband would have been good. I like the shape of his face. But his funny looking brother has the reigns while David is off in New York killing time before he becomes king of the world. (It must be true, I read it in the Sunday Times.)

    At best, Farage stole the show at the debate. Cool, calm, collected, he outshone the others with his banter and quick wit. But he represents UKIP. I can’t possibly vote UKIP just because I saw their leader do an alright job of being on telly. That’s what I did last time. I saw Vince Cable do ever so well in a debate leading up to the last election and decided, on the basis of that alone, that I’d vote Lib Dem. I don’t know what any of their policies are, nor have I taken much interest in what they’ve achieved since I (single handedly) got them into power.

    Having recently feasted on the excellent House of Cards, I am led to believe Americans take a massive interest in politics. Crowds swarm at political rallies. Placards are hammered into everyone’s gardens. Here, it’s all just a bit half arsed, really, isn’t it? I don’t know anyone who attends political rallies or lets their political point of view be known in their garden. We all like to be very secretive about it, don’t we?

    Not me. Like most things in life, I’ll blog about my feelings.

    So, who the hell to vote for? When I was at uni studying film, I made a short film about the merits of hemp. The Green Party were kind enough to put their logo to our film. I was so chuffed, I vowed to vote for them for the rest of my life.

    But I hear they’ve made a bit of a mess of Brighton and people tell me voting for Green is a wasted vote. So, again I ask myself, who the hell to vote for?

    But for whom?

    But for whom? (I don’t know politics but I do know grammar.)

    A friend put a link on Facebook for the Telegraph’s handy little questionnaire that’ll lead you to your party. You can do it yourself here.

    It turns out, my political leanings are a 62% match to the Green Party. Go hemp!

    Second up was UKIP, with a 46% match. If voting Green is a wasted vote, am I really to be expected to vote UKIP? It’s not exactly socially acceptable, is it?

    Apparently the important thing is to use your vote tactically. Get Conservatives out. That’s what a clever friend of mine told me, before we were interrupted by something more interesting (I think it was an Easter egg) and I never got to the bottom of why the Conservatives need booting out and what I should do with my vote in order to ensure this happens.

    Come May 7th, I’ll be marking a cross in a box. But I doubt it’ll have much to do with policies. Someone just needs to win me over with a witty monologue and I’m all theirs. Just ask Vince Cable. Vincey, as I like to call him.

    If anyone wants to break it down into layman’s terms and comment below, I’m all ears. The suffragettes went to a spot of trouble to give me the right to vote, so I don’t want to waste my opportunity. Who the shit can we trust with the keys to our country? Any ideas? Anyone? Don’t say Russell Brand.


6 Responses to Vote for Pedro

  • Pedro Packard wrote on April 10, 2015 at 5:36 //

    Yes Vote Pedro!
    That’s me!
    I’ll make everything better, perhaps even better than better better willis herself! (possible?!)
    The problem with voting for me is you don’t know my policies and even if you did i probably wouldn’t live up to them. I’m too busy drinking lime cordials and getting myself massaged to put into effect my excellent education curriculum. Which would, as if happens, put an end to all wars and make people sing and dance and play music to high standards with increased confidence.
    The problem is we don’t know what we’re voting we..really…!! or do you?!
    Name 3 items on your preferred candidate’s campaign platform. Then discuss the pros and cons of actually implementing their proposals. Not so easy!!
    And if you did do that, you’ll probably be voting selfishly, for your own interests. Well why wouldn’t you, you want the party that secures your wealth and stability and families needs. Rather than voting for the greater good, for societies needs, for the needs of others at large.
    Who votes altruistically?! That’s a vote that really counts.
    Economics affects us everyday, down to that bowl of cornflakes we ate for breakfast (i actually had chicken panang curry – twas very delicious indeed, and economically speaking, rather cheap) Politics affects economics, economics affects us constantly. Why don’t i know more about my curry (or cornflakes). Here’s what a philosopher friend of mine said to me:
    “We would never say to everyone, ‘Who cares if you know anything about surgery or medicine? The important thing is that you make your cut.’ Yet for some reason, we do say, ‘It doesn’t matter if you know much about politics. The important thing is to vote.’ In both cases, incompetent decision-making can hurt innocent people.”
    So let’s take it upon ourselves to seek out answers and find out what we’re voting for. Where’s the Party Policy comparison website?!
    But if like me, you’re too busy ordering your next lime cordial whilst having your pineal gland reflex point on your left big toe massaged, then at least enter your ballot leaving it blank, to say you don’t agree with any of the parties rather than protest by not voting at all.
    In fact, i don’t agree with anything i’ve just said, just found out someone laced my lime cordial with Gin…!!!

  • Pedro Packard wrote on April 10, 2015 at 5:45 //

    Apologies for my haste. Here’s the comparison website we’re looking for:
    Any clearer?!

  • Kimberley Willis wrote on April 11, 2015 at 8:21 //

    Wise points made there Pedro. What you’re saying is, in order to get a total overhaul of the system, we need to vote for change, by not voting, in a way that they know about… blank box voting. I like it. Certainly a bolder and more thought-through move than my usual ‘I’ll vote for him cos he’s charming’ or ‘she’s made a good point there.’
    Please go into politics. I want to vote for Pedro!
    Thanks for making me jealous of your breakfast choice while you were at it! xx

  • Hannah wrote on April 17, 2015 at 9:07 //

    This is precisely how I feel about ruddy politics! However, I am enthused by Ed Milliband’s great “what are you on about, Farage” face from last night’s debate. Absolute gold.

  • The Dame International wrote on April 30, 2015 at 11:50 //

    I vote Mother Earth, no Earth, no us, so with that said, it has to be Green Party and none of the other greed parties.

  • Kimberley Willis wrote on May 2, 2015 at 9:11 //

    Green over greed – I agree with that!


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