• AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Consumerism, Doing Things, Ethics, Funny Ha Ha, Money, Opinion Piece, Politics, Relationships, Shopping, Topical News


    It’s Valentine’s Day. Here comes a blog all about why Valentine’s Day has come to represent all that is wrong with our depressing consumer driven culture. 

    English bulldog puppy with valentine rose.

    It’s almost as clichéd to hate Valentine’s Day as it is not to, but I do hate it, because it’s been hi-jacked by consumerism and whatever romance was originally there has been stifled by a tick-box attitude to ensuring your man has done all the things necessary to deem it romantic.

    But if he’s only buying roses because it’s bloody Valentine’s Day, then where’s the thoughtfulness in that? He’s just trying to stay out of trouble.

     I read a lot of women’s magazines thanks to my glitzy job as a feature writer. So I am bombarded with demands for me to buy saucy underwear RIGHT NOW so that I can tick that Valentine’s box.

    Then there’s all the suggestions for romantic recipes for two, instructions for where to buy my candles and heart shaped chocolates.

    “Buy Saucy Underwear Right Now”

    Or how about dinner out? Just about the most awful thing I could think of doing on 14th February… sitting in a restaurant with loads of other couples, ticking the champagne box and the dimly lit room box and the cheesy love songs in the background box.

    Someone put a very funny status update on Facebook the other day. They were thinking of sneaking into a restaurant and putting diamond rings in all the women’s desserts, then watching the boyfriend’s faces as the women presumed a proposal was upon them. That’s a viral youtube video just waiting to happen. 

    I love post, and I love receiving letters and cards, but I do not like being told what to do, which is why I object to Valentine’s Day and all the shops going crazy in their attempts to lure us into buying silly things that they have decided are romantic. What I like to do on Valentine’s Day is send either absolutely nothing to absolutely no-one, because I’m petulant, or send cards to my friends, because Gaz gets the best of me every other day of the year – on Valentine’s Day I buck the system and tell my friends I love them. Which is what they do in Finland and Estonia on the 14th Feb – it’s even known as “Friends Day” which is awesome. I might move.

    PR people have been sending me stats all week, in the hopes I’ll turn their surveys into front page news. Did you know for example, 39.4% of men want to receive more than ten hugs a day? Bless them.

    And 95.8% of women prefer to hug a taller man? Poor short men. No one wants to hug the shorties. Saint Valentine would turn in his grave, to know the nation’s shorties are being overlooked. David Beckham stole the show as most huggable man in this ridiculous survey that I can’t believe I’m even quoting.

    Short otters wouldn't even get a look in.

    Short otters wouldn’t even get a look in.

    Valentine’s Day began as a Christian celebration of some jerk called Valentinus. It was only after Chaucer romanticised the day in a poem in 1382 that it became a celebration of romantic love.

    Christianity is the root of many evils and I remember studying Chaucer for my A-levels.  Now I know he’s to blame for my average A-level results and Valentine’s Day, I like him even less. 

    The Victorians popularised the day by mass producing Valentine’s Day cards and this soon spread across the Atlantic to America. It grew into the industry of flowers, chocolates and cards that we all know and loathe today. Because that is exactly the problem – it’s an industry. Just like the wedding industry – if you want to take the romance out of your wedding, just visit a wedding fair and see the industry at work. Love shouldn’t be an industry.

    Fried eggs as a heart on a toast

    Egg Fried Nice.

    I suppose there is a certain element of romance in the notion that people all over the world are expressing their love for their loved ones on the same day. Everyone but me – lucky old Gaz. Our Valentine’s plans involve my chauffeuring Gaz to the dentist. He’s having some work done and I’m looking forward to the bit after they give him the drugs, where he’ll be talking nonsense and dribbling.

    After Valentine’s Day is over, all the shops will strip their window displays of anything remotely ‘romantic’ and quickly start putting up ideal gifts for our mothers. Once Mother’s Day is sponged for every penny it’s worth, they’ll infiltrate your mind with pressure to buy chocolate eggs and bunnies. Because all notable dates in the calendar year are now hi-jacked by consumerism. Well done world, well done.


5 Responses to Valentine Schmalentine

  • Gorm wrote on February 14, 2014 at 11:44 //

    Consider for a moment the damage you are causing the card printing industry. One day we may be forced to remember Valentine’s day without the help of the commercial world and God help us (men) who forget!  Just kidding, you are right, it is a rip off.

  • Sue Willis wrote on February 14, 2014 at 12:11 //

    Your last paragraph reminds me, do NOT buy me a Smothering Monday gift.  Good enough that you will be with me!!  Great blog, agree with it all, we’ve done nothing to encourage consumerism today.  X

  • Liza Kirwan wrote on February 14, 2014 at 12:20 //

    …. and not to mention the intervening St Patrick’s Day for your American readership ….. xxxx (<3)

  • Colin Campbell wrote on February 14, 2014 at 12:33 //

    We absolutely agree with you Kim we love you and everyone else all the time!

  • Lubka Christova wrote on February 14, 2014 at 2:41 //

    Oh I can’t agree more with you, dear.

    A priest called Valentinus has been tortured and executed, and we’re celebrating our love on that day?!?! I honestly don’t see the connection.

    On another side, I don’t honestly understand why all the so called “Christian” (which I simply call pagan) holidays are always embed in the commercialized system. If you’re listening to what the TV, adverts, magazines and everyone is telling you, then:
    – On Christmas you MUST buy the most expensive gifts which no one really needs and spend an incredible amount of money for a dinner and decoration. Many families finish paying their loans just before Christmas, so they can get another one, otherwise they will disappoint their kids…
    – On Valentines day you need to go through a routine of gestures which always start in a shop, otherwise you’re just not proving that you love your partner…
    – Many more follow the same pattern, but anyways.

    Nah! I’m just not into this. In my home country which is Orthodox, we don’t have St. Valentines, even though it’s popular nowadays. I refuse celebrating it.

    It’s just another day. If you haven’t showed enough love before today, it just won’t prove a thing.


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