SEVEN YEAR ITCH

  • AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Adventures, Country Life, Funny Ha Ha, Opinion Piece, Relationships, Road Trip, Travelling

    7 Comments
    final pic

    Now I’ve had the time of my life… waiting to win.

    I win I win I win. That’s right, after seven long years with Princess Beardface, I am finally bequeathed the title of person who has had the longest relationship with the man who is now my husband.

    When we first got together, we had those chats people have. You know, how long a relationship have you had before, that kind of thing. Me? At best, a year and a half. But on average, a few months. Nothing for him to get insecure about, I’d had little previous stamina.

    Him? SEVEN YEARS. I mean, we met when we were 26, how the hell had he squeezed in a seven year relationship? It made me feel terribly vulnerable, for he had clearly invested time and therefore love in this seven year dalliance and how could I compete?

    Lest we forget, competing is what I do best. Some readers will be reading this thinking I am ridiculous, to equate time to feelings, or to even care what he got up to before we met. But I was 26, and fair to middlingly insecure. I like to call myself a LOW MAINTENANCE GIRLFRIEND, like that, in capital letters.

    Three months in. What do you mean, it's going to be a long life?

    Three months in. What do you mean, it’s going to be a long life?

    So there I was, the new girlfriend, slowly falling in love and getting excited about such pivotal dates as ONE MONTH together, SIX MONTHS together, and so on. Telling people who asked, that we’d been together ‘one AND A HALF years,’ because back then the halves, the thirds, the quarters, really mattered. I was clock watching, while also getting on with the small matter of living our life.

    One year in. Going well.

    One year in. Punch Drunk Love. Going well.

    The months turned into years and while I was fully aware that the first Seven Year Relationship in his life had happened when he was young, and that while he loved her, he now loved me, and had chosen to be with me and all that crap, there was still a little part of me really looking forward to being the person he’d been with the longest, because there is a certain triumph in holding that record, or at least there is for someone like me, for whom even ‘who can walk to the car the quickest’ and ‘who can eat dinner the quickest’ are genuine competitions with genuine prizes.

    His previous girlfriend had slogged it out for SEVEN years, so it was going to take me AGES to be the new torch bearer. (Thanks, love. Couldn’t you have dumped him sooner, for the sake of his future, impatient, querulous girlfriend?)

    3 years 6 months

    Three years, six months. Tick, tock.

    We got married and all that jazz, bought a house with a mortgage in both our names. Obvs him and his previous girlfriend did neither of those things, for they were young. But married, schmarried, I wanted the Seven Year Medallion!

    Wedding Day. Yeah, yeah. Get on with it, we're only four years, ten months in!

    Wedding Day. Yeah, yeah. Get on with it, we’re only four years, ten months in!

    Six Years In. We can do this.

    Six Years In. I can almost smell the victory.

    And then it drew near. It’s the 17th January 2015, by the way, this momentous date for which I’ve been waiting to run through the ribbon. So back in December I started to go oooh! Gazza! We’re nearly there! One of us better not die in the next few weeks, or the last six years and eleven months would have been for NOTHING!

    Six years, five months. I forget why I'm still here.

    Use the hand rails, boy! Safety first, so your wife can win.

    I kept a close eye on him and ensured he did not pop his clogs, while I prepared my acceptance speech.

    Actually, can I back out?

    Actually, can I back out?

    And then, lo, it was the 18th January and we’d bloody forgotten our anniversary. THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE YET.

    But do not despair. We have now been together seven years and counting. Hurray! I can break up with him now. The next girl has got to put up with him asking her what time your friends are coming around for dinner approximately three times throughout the day, each time with the surprised reaction of someone who doesn’t already know the answer, and then getting in the shower five minutes before said time. And she’ll have to put up with that for seven years PLUS My Extra Time, before she beats my record.

    So, happy anniversary to us. His childhood sweetheart is by all accounts a lovely woman, one he’s still friends with, who is now happily married with children. I doubt her husband played the same game, but if he did, then high five, my husband’s ex-girlfriend’s new husband, we’ve only gone and bloody done it.

    Seven years and one day with this idiot. Worth every second.

    Seven years plus, with this idiot. Worth every second.

     

     

     

COMMENTS

7 Responses to Seven Year Itch

  • Tammi wrote on January 30, 2015 at 10:34 //

    One of my favourite blogs of yours of all time. Nuff said. BIG FAT X – to you both.

  • Hannah wrote on January 30, 2015 at 11:31 //

    Corking blog Willsy, can’t wait to see your Seven Year Medallion.

  • Sue Willis wrote on January 30, 2015 at 1:31 //

    Hilarious!  Gareth looks about 18 in the first pic and I love the punch drunk one!  Looking forward to year 10’s blog.  xx

  • mother in law wrote on January 30, 2015 at 3:58 //

    Enjoyed reading this. Cripes 7 yrs it doesn’t seem possible and look what you have achieved in that time. I am proud call you my daughter in law and really pleased to see my son so happy. Love you both, keep up the good work.after all it is hard work to keep relationships glowing. Doesn’t just happen you will just have to see if you can beat the in laws record. 42 yrs and still running.
    X x x x x

  • Raquel wrote on January 31, 2015 at 7:23 //

    ha ha ha – many congrats!!  Made me chuckle – but could empathise too :-)

  • Sarah wrote on February 6, 2015 at 12:16 //

    Really enjoyed this and I ashamed to say I did the same thing.  I am often in secret competitions only I know about (although my husband knew about this one).

  • Kimberley Willis wrote on February 6, 2015 at 12:32 //

    Secret Competitions are brilliant! But don’t be ashamed about this one, I don’t think we’re alone! Lots of people have admitted to the same game, but they just don’t write blogs about it…Be gone, shame, we all just want to be the best!

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