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    As the year we called 2012 draws to a close, I look back at the twelve months 2012 played host to and do what everyone else is doing – sum it up. In about 700 words. Then let’s crack on with 2013 and say nothing more on the matter.

    I’ll gloss over war and famine and focus on the good in the spirit of keeping things light and fluffy and pretending there is no such thing as oppression, religion and unnecessary death. Much better to focus on the Olympics.
    Ah, the Olympics! Now that was fun. And us girls finally got some role models who were famous for more than just being made in Chelsea. Jessica Ennis became the greatest all round sportswoman of our times and sported a very impressive six-pack. We suddenly had a plethora of new Famous and Beautiful Women – but these ones didn’t get papped coming out of Chinawhites with their front bottoms on show – these ones were athletes, getting papped displaying immeasurable amounts of determination and focus. And measurable amounts of muscle. London went all happy and people were nice to each other on the tube. The Opening and Closing ceremonies showed billions around the world that we know how to party.

    And then came the Paralympics, which people paid attention to, abuzz as we still were from the Olympic revelry and hungry for more feats of human capabilities.

    A man jumped out of space and the Queen made headlines by standing up for a day or two in the cold and rain. Samantha Brick got famous by putting her name to a Daily Mail article about how difficult it is to be pretty. In a typical Daily Mail-esque twist, she wasn’t that pretty, which guaranteed the article went viral as Daily Haters the world over joined the Mail in its metaphorical playground, bullying Brick for daring to suggest her mediocre looks could have anything to do with women not liking her. I vowed to stop reading the Daily Mail. And failed.

    On telly, I discovered that Boardwalk Empire is excellent and wondered what I did before Modern Family warmed my cockles on a cold winter’s night. On film, I fell for Moonrise Kingdom, The Artist and Rust and Bone. In my ears, I continued to listen to the same 31 songs on my i-pod that I’ve always listened to, much to the chagrin of my musically minded man-friend.

    It didn’t make headlines, but I also managed to marry by musically minded man-friend in 2012. A personal best, and one that makes 2012 my favourite year so far. I suppose now I’m married I’m a real grown up. But the truth is, I don’t feel any different to I did when I was 22 and was getting more drunk than I’d have liked and not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. Maybe 2013 will be the year of the epiphany. I’ll stop drinking and do something really rewarding like save the world. On my own. Which is plausible, I did get a Batman T shirt for Christmas, so I’m basically now in ownership of some pretty bad-ass super-powers.

    Stand up comedy continued to be the mainstay of my social enjoyment. Hats off to Tony Law and John Robbins for their continued excellence in the field. If you haven’t discovered them yet, go and make them your comedians of 2013. They will make your year 99% funnier.
    Now what, I hear you ask, do I think of new year’s resolutions? I don’t like them. I don’t think we should be so hard on ourselves, we should just accept ourselves as we are, shortcomings and all, rather than spend a small part of January scolding ourselves for not being able to keep to the new expectations we set. Because if we were the person we attempt to be in January, we’d already be them, we wouldn’t need resolutions. Gaz and I have agreed New Year’s starts on Monday the 7th in an attempt to downplay the fact we’ve already failed at all the resolutions we intended to start on the 1st. Wouldn’t life be easier if I just accepted that the real me is December me? Then my New Year’s Resolution would be to just carry on doing a good job of being a bit shit. And I think I could probably keep to that.

    Instead, though, I’ll attempt a few classic resolutions come the new first of January, the 7th of January. No more cheese, no more boozing, no more shouting.

    And I will also give up the Daily Mail. Again.

    If I had to pick just one resolution, it would be that one. Because then I’d still get to eat cheese. Yes, perhaps Kim Version 2013 is she who eats less cheese and doesn’t read the Daily Mail. She sounds like my kind of Kim.

    New Year 2013


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