DR WILLIS.

  • AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Funny Ha Ha, Opinion Piece, Relationships

    7 Comments

    Mr.mrs.jpegSomething has been troubling me since I became someone’s wife. For 30 years, I ticked the ‘miss’ box without any thought. For eight months, which is how long I’ve been married, congratulations to me, I have had to hover over the boxes, unsure what to do with myself. I am not a Mrs Jones, because I have not taken the lucky man’s name, and I’m certainly not Mrs Willis, because that is my mum’s title. I am not a Miss, because apparently you can’t be a Miss married. And I take umbrage to Ms, because it’s a bit pernickety.

    Actually, I take umbrage to the whole goddam system. Why should I have to tick any box based on my ability to wait patiently for five years while a man decides if he’ll do me the honour of shoving a ring on my finger? He still ticks the Mr box, whether he’s coming or going.

    If the forms I’m filling out want to know whether I’m male or female, for the purposes of punishing me with targeted advertising, then fine, I’m female. Tick that box. But whether I’m single (miss) married (mrs) or would rather remain illusive (ms) should be no one’s business other than my own.

    Which is why I now tick the Dr. box. Dr. Willis. Deal with it. Dr. of what? Well it depends. Has someone had a heart attack on a plane? Then I’m a Dr. of philosophy and I’m avoiding eye contact. Is the postman enquiring as to whether Dr. Willis is in the house? Well then I’m a Dr. of molecular engineering, thank you very much, and yes, my degree was challenging but I nailed it.

     XX

    While I’m on the subject of letters, let’s move on to the x. The X. The XX. The kiss. I’ve recently started giving my email sign off’s an extra x, thus it’s gone from Kim x to Kim xx, but only in special circumstances where the recipient really deserves it. Friends and family get even more, they’ve earned it, but for years my work emails were always a one x affair. Now I’ve noticed that there are a minefield of unwritten rules on the x front.

    Met someone? Give them an extra x just to show it’s more than a formality. First email ever? Hold back on any x’s. Play it cool. They reply with an x? Give them one back, you are now chums. They reply with an xx? Too much, too soon. Rein it back in with a simple x. They reply with nothing? Nothing them right back, the bastards.

    Sometimes my husband texts me and doesn’t put an x at the end. It really annoys me. It’s so curt and makes whatever he’s saying sound like he’s in a mood. Even if it’s nice. ‘I miss you.’ SEND. Well you clearly don’t because there is no x. So I reply, holding back my x’s just to prove a point. (A point he’s probably never even noticed because these are games I play in my head, not aloud. Until now. Husband: hit me up with an x at the end of your texts, will you? Love from, your Mrs.)

    Only, when I reply to his kissless text with a kissless text, just to prove a point that he doesn’t know I’m proving, I feel like we’re just sending each other really aggressive texts. They might say: ‘I miss you.’ ‘I miss you too.’ But they read: ‘I AM IN A MOOD.’ ‘I AM IN A MOOD TOO.’ And that’s no fun for anyone. But he started it.

    My sister always finishes off her texts with a capital X. Bit aggressive if you ask me. I like to use a lower case x. More cutesy. Which is what I am all about, obvs.

    But it is the work-emails double x that is really bothering me. I should never have started it. It’s too friendly. I need to rein in the Kim love. People need to earn a double x. They need to be blood relatives or soul sisters.

    Who am I kidding? I have far too much of a yearning to be liked to ever rein in my generous x’s. Except with my husband, who I think loves me enough as it is, so I will continue to hold back on the x’s in order to teach him a lesson.

    Yours,

    Dr Willis. xx

     

COMMENTS

7 Responses to Dr Willis.

  • Amy Rowland wrote on May 17, 2013 at 11:11 //

    Hahaha, brilliant xxxxxxxxx

  • Caroline wrote on May 17, 2013 at 11:21 //

    Couldn’t agree more….. I’ve been Mrs since 3 weeks after my 21st birthday, so I kind of ‘grew up’ with it I suppose (30 years is long enough to get used to that!), but I do find the whole Miss/Mrs/Ms thing offensive, especially when the blokes don’t have to declare it. I know people who are Mrs and one of the teachers at Sophie’s school has even more confusingly remained Miss but taken husbands surname (work that one out !?!?!?)

  • Caroline wrote on May 17, 2013 at 11:24 //

    that should have been Mrs – their own surname – but I had put it in chevrons so it got ignored.

  • Kimberley Willis wrote on May 17, 2013 at 11:42 //

    YES! It is offensive! Let’s start a mutiny – become a Dr with me!

  • denise wrote on May 17, 2013 at 10:01 //

    teachers keeping own surname but using Mrs are usually teachers of the wee ones, it is to make life less confusing for the young children in their classes

  • denise wrote on May 17, 2013 at 10:22 //

    Well hi Dr Willis.
    Miss Mrs, Mademoiselle Madam, Senorita Senora, The way of the world, offensive how can it possibly be? Can billions of ladies be so wrong. Surely it stems from history in order for a married woman to command the respect her more mature status accorded her and presumably to stop unwanted suitors. I was proud to be called Mrs and shout my new status to the world. Ms i thought that was for ladies who have been married and are no more.
    As for x x’s
    x friends
    xx family
    xxxxxxx etc children and husbands { sorry Dr Willis but your husbands formative years preceded the quirks of modern communication }
    x’s for anybody else ??????? I must have been offending everybody. I thought a x was an abbreviation for love.
    oh well just proves I am getting old.
    x x x Denise

  • Tammi wrote on May 18, 2013 at 2:10 //

    Sister, I only put a capital X because it comes after a full stop. I like to use proper grammer and mainly full spelling in texts. But I also thought my X’s at the end of texts were getting out of hand a couple of years ago and decided to just stop doing them altogether. I warned a few people, but not all. So I guess a few might have wondered what they ever did wrong to deserve such treatment. Problem is that I obviously continued to do them for close friends and family. So often, when I’m in a hurry I’ve still done them to people who I otherwise don’t. Like my staff. I think they must be quite confused and think I’m being too forward and inappropriate sometimes and then cold and formal the next. Still, probably good to keep them on their toes. I really wish I could stop altogether and I have wondered whether anyone cares or even notices, but now I know you care and if you care it’s likely others do too. So thanks for that. I’m now consigned to bloody think about it, stress about it and sometimes even send a single X text after a text where I’ve missed one, just so I don’t offend. And let’s not even talk about the numerous times I’ve accidentally put a X on a text to someone I’ve never even met (my mobile number is on my business landline voicemail). Pretty embarrassing but I always choose to not make it worse by sending an apology/explanation text. I just leave it and hope they understand what’s happened. It must happen to everyone right? Only Davina Macall actually reads out KISS when she sees a X, everyone else just reads it as a friendly universal sign off. Don’t they?

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