• AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Consumerism, Doing Things, Funny Ha Ha, Money, Opinion Piece


    Herbal medicine or aromatherapy dropper bottleI am on an eternal quest to find out what’s causing my ‘adult acne’ and put a stop to it. I have never blogged about this before because I am embarrassed by the state of my skin (anyone who knows me and is thinking, but you have great skin Kim – yes I do, once it’s caked in make up) but as 50% of adult women suffer from acne, I suspect there’s a few readers out there who can sympathise with my plight. Not acknowledging it only serves to make other spotty adults think they’re all alone in their spotty world. You’re not – I’m right here with you.

    My longing for better skin and my desperation to find a solution has seen me try everything. So for those of you who think it’s simply a matter of diet, or trying tea tree oil  – don’t make me laugh. I’ve tried tea tree oil. Topical antibiotics from the doc. Hot cloth cleansers, cold cream cleansers, sensitive, gentle, every brand under the sun cleansers.Witch hazel. Stupid hazel witches can’t even cure me. I’ve tried juice diets. I’ve tried pills. Boots the Chemist lays out the red carpet when they see me coming.

    I’ve tried not cleansing. After all, my husband does absolutely nothing to his face and that regime is certainly working for him, with his blemish free bastard face. I’ve tried drinking so much water I sink, I’ve tried not drinking any alcohol, giving up sugar, giving up processed foods, giving up gluten, wheat, fruit, chilli, eggs. I’ve tried changing my pillow case every night. I’ve tried wearing no make up, wearing oil free make up and wearing mineral based make up. I’ve tried not leaning on my hands and working less hours. I’ve been tested for polycystic ovaries. I’ve tried every goddam thing I’ve stumbled upon, because I keep hoping that eventually, I’ll hit the jackpot. One day I’ll eat a mung bean or anoint myself with a cream made from elephant testicles and wake up looking like Jennifer Aniston. That’s the plan.

     2014-05-05 11.30.34

    Currently banking on milk thistle, Vitex, whatever the hell that is, and Burdock root. Oh and I read somewhere great skin starts with apple cider vinegar, so I drench all food in that.

    2014-05-05 11.39.26

    The Clear Skin Cookbook. Yet to clear my skin.

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    Scottish Clear Skin Tea. Yet to clear my skin.

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    Various juices with a 5 star rating for skin, in my big book of juices. Yet to clear my skin.

    See? I’m a goddamn skin specialist.

    A fool and their money are soon parted. As my husband will attest, because I’m always willing to part with my money if there is a hope that in its place I might have clearer skin. Hence, I came home recently with this:

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    Husband took one look. ‘Did you look it up online before you spent £30 on little bottles of collagen?’

    No, of course I didn’t, because a woman with great skin was selling it to me and she said it was full of magical properties that are good for your skin and stuff. I wasn’t really listening, I was too busy thinking my problems had been solved.

    People simply throw some big words at me – in this case, collagen. (what, it’s three syllables long) and I’ll go oh, okay, sounds great, here’s my cash. Back home, Gaz will spend about nine seconds googling the thing I’ve just overpaid for and find out it’s a load of old crap, denounced by anyone with any sense and scientific wherewithall.

    2014-05-05 11.37.22Turns out this particular miracle product, being as it is, technically, a food product, comes with absolutely no science behind it. There are no chemists involved in the making of the product, just a bunch of businessmen, spearheaded by one in particular, Mr Sanguinetti.

    This chap is a marketing genius – I’m sure you’ve seen posters for Collagen Gold all over your world. His wonder product costs £36 for 10 bottles, although of course 10 bottles are not enough to see improvement in our ugly little faces. He recommends 8-12 weeks of daily bottle swigging. Basically costing each gullible, desperate, spotty adult such as moi, as much as £300. (I’m a lucky survivor – I only bought one box before Gareth stepped in and prised my debit card from my claw-like hand.)

    For a more thorough look at Collagen Gold, read this excellent blog. 

    I still drank the Collagen Gold for ten days. It didn’t make any difference. My problem is I came off the pill about 16 months ago and my hormones are still having a wild party all over my face.

    I laugh at my friends who try things I believe to be nonsense. Things like hypnotherapy, reflexology, or the biggest hoax of them all, homeopathy. Yet in my own desperation to find a cure for my ailment, I’ll sign up to anything. I forget my science, my skepticism, my sense, in favour of hope. And hope is exactly what all these bastard companies are preying on.

    Yet, I remain eternally hopeful a magic potion will cure me. My latest find is Chinese Face Mapping. A load of hogwash, of course, but there is a strong chance, according to the Chinese, that my spots are caused by  cheese. So, I no longer eat cheese. Until next week, when I discover the real problem is I came off the pill 16 months ago and my hormones are my enemy. At which point I might try witch hazel again, while my eternally patient, weary husband drags me out of Boots before my salary magically morphs into snake oil ointments quicker than you can say, what’s wrong with your face?




7 Responses to Adult Acne.

  • Emma wrote on May 16, 2014 at 8:44 //

    Oh my god Kim you have me in absolute stiches..
    Do you know I used to wash my face with salt when I had spots. I never knew whether they went away because I burnt them off with salt or they just went away? I used to use rock salt, even bloody saxo salt of the kitchen side if I could have it, with just some toothpaste or tea tree oil and salt. With mum bellowing that I’ll ruin my face, well mother have you seen this face?? Exactly.

  • Sue Willis wrote on May 16, 2014 at 10:49 //

    Love that you can make something so personally serious into something so publicly funny!  Maybe you should have a baby after all, I had flawless skin when I was pregnant!  X

  • Charlotte wrote on May 16, 2014 at 3:37 //

    Thanks so much for this post! I came off the pill nearly two years ago now and am still having problems, makes me feel better to hear I’m not the only one… Everything you mention I have done too (I also keep a skin diary to work out which days of the month are the worst and thus avoid social engagements!!) According to my friend, getting pregnant is the way forward… My husband doesn’t agree though (yet ;) Thanks again.x

  • Kimberley Willis wrote on May 19, 2014 at 8:29 //

    Sorry to hear you’re going through it too Charlotte! If I find a solution I’ll let you know… Skin diary is a great idea, maybe if I did that I could find a correlation… And then I wouldn’t have to get pregnant! x

  • Kimberley Willis wrote on May 19, 2014 at 8:30 //

    Salt! Now that I haven’t tried… that’s extreme exfoliation!

  • Jae wrote on May 19, 2014 at 6:20 //

    Just like to pipe up and say that we have had serious results with homeopathy with our children. The most striking being when they were babies – so unable to be swayed by the placebo effect – seeing an almost immediate change in the symptoms at the time which were desperate crying for no apparent reason where nothing seems to do anything but nothing seems to be actually wrong with them. One pillule of whatever it was, Emma will remember, and within ten seconds they were placated to a noticeable degree. In other words, they had stopped screaming. This by the way, was after trying another remedy, that was apparently the wrong one because it had no effect, so it was not the mere fact of having a sugary pill stuffed in their mouth. So although I’m not claiming homeopathy can cure all, and obviously you have tried it for your skin kim? with little or no effect, hence the damning report. But I have witnessed it certainly doing something. JX

  • Kimberley Willis wrote on May 31, 2014 at 8:37 //

    Have you read my blog on homeopathy, Jae? I found out a lot of interesting things about it in my research…


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